I Can Smell You On Me

So, I used your deodorant this morning and I keep getting whiffs of it. I like it a lot.

It makes me happy.

It makes me think about us and how lucky we both are to have found each other. We must have done something right to get here. At least that is the way I look at it.

I don't have anything else to say. Just wanted to say, out loud, what I was thinking about.

xo

Bigger, Better, Brighter

I am so very happy you posted that today. It's not something that's been plaguing me or anything. It wasn't something I ever even wondered. Now that you said it, though, it kind of makes a world of difference to me. I kind of like to have concrete evidence assuring me that your love for me is real and not "rebound" love, or, as you said "the newest, greatest thing". And it's made me realize something else about myself. I feel exactly the same way about you!

I tried to explain the feeling to myself. For me, when I look at you, it's like looking at a baby that I just want to grab up and squeeze and kiss, and hug, because they are just so darn gorgeous. But, I know full well that's not a common feeling for you. So, maybe if I change the baby to a puppy you'd get the picture?  =)

But it's even more than that when you really love someone. I love you so much that, yes, I just want to climb all over you and hug you and squeeze you and kiss you and stare at you and tell you how gorgeous you are. I also want to make you comfortable. I want to make you happy. I want to take care of you, and also encourage you and support your every endeavor.

The biggest thing for me, though? The thing that tells me that I really do love you is the fact that I can actually say those three words to you without a second thought. I Love You. That was always hard for me in the past. I very rarely said it at all and when I did, I probably left out the "I" and just said "love you", which might seem small, but I think means so much.

With you, I want to write it on the sky! In permanent marker!

I LOVE YOU!

p.s. has it been a year yet?

Email Etiquette

Why are people a-holes about email? I mean, maybe it's just me? I don't know. But I have a large group of fan-friends. We all love the same thing, are from around the world, and so when I have a question I need answered regarding our fandom, I send it to the group hoping someone will have the answer.

So, then, people start replying and chatting about other things and that, in turn, goes to everyone. One person sent an email to everyone asking that we take his email off this particular discussion. It pissed me off. I mean, I get discussions all the time that I couldn't care less about, but I know it'll die down soon enough. So, just delete the damn things! Now! Because he did that, someone else is sure to jump on the bandwagon and complain about being in the thread. I just know it. And I know exactly who is going to join his whiny wagon, too.

Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Maybe its just me and the fact that it was a discussion that I started, so I'm taking it too personal.

I'm just going to take a deep breath and prepare to bear it out. (or is that bare it out? I'm too lazy to check my grammar.)

6. And The Answer is 42.

Sept. 1st was our six-month anniversary and you wrote the most lovely blog post. I wanted to reciprocate but was at a loss for words. That was until just a few hours ago when I saw your chat replies to my friend on facebook.

Me:I love you.

You:I love you, too!

Me:=)

<3

I read your replies and think to myself, wow, he's so smart.

and funny.

You:ha!!

Me: and something else, but I can't think of the word.

You: conniving?

Me:  ha!!

It's not that, but it is something.

I wish I could explain the feeling.

obliging?

You:  hmmm....

ha

Me:  to my kooky friends.

You:  I like kooky

Me:  ha

You:  as long as it's not crazy

Me:  no.

no crazy here.

You: no

no like crazy.

Me:  well, except maybe...

a little in the sibling department.

You: ha!

Me:  but that's not of my choosing.

You: nope...can’t pick your family

Me:  nope

I thought for a while about what it was I was feeling and what I was trying to explain and then one word finally came to mind: calming. I know that doesn't sound like anything amazing or extremely complimentary, but believe me; it is meant to be very complimentary and it definitely felt amazing to me.

It just hits me when I see how you interact with my friends and family. You have a way about you that is so calming and comfortable. Even if you don’t feel comfortable, no one else would know it, and I love that. And I never have to worry that you will say something in public that will make me cringe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All of the above was written on September 7^th, and then I was at a loss for words again, so I put it aside. Because, I just knew I had more to say and didn’t want to rush this onto my blog.

So, today is another special day, and probably the right day to pick this up where I left off.

But where was I? What was I going to say next? It was all swirling around in my head and made perfect sense to me. It was words and images and feelings all rolling around up there and I wish I could get that all down on paper to perfectly illustrate how I feel about you.

So, here are some words that are rolling around:

• Safe. You make me feel safe, physically and emotionally. When I am standing next to you, no matter where we are, I feel your strength around me, protecting me.
• Calming. I feel calm in your presence. I come from a big, crazy, loud family and you just make me feel so peaceful and at ease. You hear about my crazy loud family issues, and how they worry me, and somehow you make sense of it all and tell me it will all be okay. And I believe you!
• Fun. I never worry if you are having fun. We could be doing laundry or riding a roller coaster. You are fun to be around and you make me feel like I am, too. And it’s felt that way from the very start!
• Loving. You take care of me in the most loving way. I mean really! You put itch cream on my bug bites every night! Even when I whine about it for the umpteenth time!
• Observant/Communicative. You notice when something is not right. You notice when I’m feeling off and you talk to me about it...willingly. You talk to me! About anything! And everything! …wow, that just really turns me on. (And, of course, it doesn't hurt that you have the most amazing, sexy voice.)

Everything about you turns me on. Mentally, physically, emotionally. You get my mind buzzing and whirring, and I love it! I need it!

Today is your special day, Tiger. I wish you the best of everything…because you deserve it. Whether you want to hear it or not, you are the answer to my prayer those six months ago.

Shamelessly quoting myself, “…you were made for me”. 

You, Me, Linguine

Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

me: HI
You: Hi!
me: I just want to tell you this now, so you can soak as much of me in this weekend.
I am SO behind, it's not even funny.
I need to stay home next week and bring work home or I am going to be in big trouble.
You: that's fine
me: dang. you could be a little upset.
You: IF you actually do the work you take home
me: ha.
You: I'll be sad and lonely w/o you, but I'll be PISSED if I'm sad and lonely and you aren’t doing the work you are supposed to be doing
me: I understand.
You: seriously pissed
me: I know.
You: ok

Not Everybody Wants To Rule The World

I feel all-powerful.  I now understand how women can (and do) rule the world....



girl power



But, I don't want to rule the world. I just want to rule your world....in the nicest way possible. 

Hush Hush, Eye To Eye

I'm special....in more ways than one:

In the way I see the world.

In my smarts.

In my silliness.

In my dorkiness.

In my truthfulness.

In my one-of-a-kindness.

I think you have that same kind of special, in those same ways.

So, when we don't see eye to eye, it makes for an interesting moment. Or long moments, rather.  I'm not afraid of that. I'm not afraid to not see eye to eye. I'd be very suspicious if we did all the time. That, I think, would not be humanly impossible. And I'm pretty sure we are both humans. I mean, we're super-cool humans, but humans nonetheless.

My only hope is that in those moments when we don't see eye to eye, we can at least see from the other person's eye, at least for a moment. Just to see where the other one is coming from. I think it helps a lot. I think you think so, too. In fact, I know you think so, too.

So, it's all good.

Let Me Count The Ways….

You want to know how/why?

Because I asked for you, specifically! I had a man in my mind. I had been creating him in my mind for the past 10 years. I had no idea what you would look like or how to find you, or if I ever would. Well, to be honest, I never did think I would find you. And that’s why I prayed.

I was so sad.

I always dreamt there was someone out there just like me, but I didn’t really think you existed. And one day I just sat in my room, on my bed and said it all out loud. I asked why I couldn’t have a man just like me, who is normal, because really, when you think about it, it’s weird to be normal in this world. I wanted someone who was a little of everything. When you look at that sliding scale, and the middle line, he’s just to the right or the left of it, not way out to the edges. Those people out on the edges are wacko. I don’t need wacko. But I do need a little off kilter at times. I do need some fun and I do need some serious. I need it all. And that’s what you are.

You are so smart, but you don’t shove it in my face.

You are so serene, you make me feel calm. You make me feel safe. You make me feel important and that what I have to say actually means something to you.

You are funny, so funny and silly and willing to let me have a laugh at your expense. And I don’t mind you laughing at my expense. It’s the best gift in the world to make someone laugh and to feel at ease enough with someone to open yourself up like that. 

You think like I do the majority of the time. I mean, no two people can think exactly the same at all times, but I think you and I come as close to sharing one mind as humanly possible. I tell you something or ask you something and you just go with it without question. You add to it and before I know it you’ve made me see something new that wasn’t even there in my mind a moment earlier. It’s so amazing. You are amazing.

I really do think I knew it from the moment I read your profile because I was so calm about it. I can’t even really explain the feeling I had. And when we met, I saw your smile and it just made me feel at ease. And I heard your voice and it was comforting.  

I mean, we aren’t even scratching the surface here with they why’s and the how’s, but hopefully this helps a little.

This Is Love

You:  hey, you know what?
me:  what?
You:  I love you.
me:  I love you. and I knew you were going to say that.
You:  ha!
Been wanting to say it for a while now
me:  why'd you wait so long?
You:  I don't know.  Didn't want to disturb you.  Then it just got to the point that I HAD to.
me:  ha. or is this because you've been staring at my breasts all day?
You:  Ha!
No those photos are safely stowed away out of sight.
me:  ok.
but you pretty much have been looking at them all morning. so you know.
I just figured.
You:  well, yes, I did...but I don't think that has much, if anything to do with me wanting to say I love you.
me:  I'm joking, son.
You:  I know.
me:  but it could.
subconsciously.
You:  omg
me:  ha.

Dare I Believe?

Is this for real?  Am I really getting what I asked for from God?

It's just too much of a coincidence, otherwise. It's happened in the past, but in those circumstances, I could have been the one that made the desired outcome a realization.  This time I could have no control over it, so it must have been God.

I prayed for someone just like him and I got him and even more so.

I hope this isn't some test to prove that what I prayed for isn't really what I wanted.