That Road

I drove down that road and had no idea where it was taking me. I did not expect this. I never meant for it to happen. It wasn't even in the back of my mind. Or was it? I don't know. I can't remember. All I know is that road took me there.

Is that the road less traveled? I have a suspicion that, for most, it is not. I know most certainly, for me, it is. And there is no way for me to turn around. I can't turn back and take the other route. It's done.

Now I ask, does that road ever end?

Excuse Him, Her, Yourself

Excuses. Why the heck do people always make excuses? I am so sick of it!

You know what an excuse is? It's freaking DENIAL! Denial of the reality that is before you. Denial of the lie that you are living. Denial that you are unhappy. Denial that something is not quite right. Denying the real reasons for doing or not doing something.

People making excuses for their behavior or their husband's, wife's, or child's behavior is more denial. They make excuses so that they don't have to do anything about it.They want to ignore it and not deal with it.

We all know the one where the wife makes excuses for her husband's neglectful behavior. "He's really a good man. I have to be thankful  because at least he doesn't beat me or the kids, and he's not a drug addict or alcoholic." What? So, it's okay if he "works late" all the time, ignores you when he is home, talks down to you, criticizes you, just comes home long enough to sh*t, shower and shave? Yeah, you are so right. That "not beating and not abusing drugs and alcohol" is a great excuse for putting up with his other crap behavior. 

If you are in a marriage and your husband says he's not sure he wants to be married to you or not sure if he wants to work on your marriage, don't make excuses for him! Don't tell me he's just going through something! The dude is obviously cheating on you! It's that simple! Either that or he's in the closet. And if he's in the closet, he's also probably cheating on you, just not with someone who shares with you similar physical attributes.  I've seen and heard this scenario so many times, it's become a joke. I can tell you step by step the process you will go through before you either give in to the truth and decide to move on, or give up and carry on with the charade and be miserable for the rest of your life.

If you have any self respect. If you love your self just the tiniest bit, you will come to your senses and move on. You WILL recover and you will be triumphant. You've got enough problems just being a citizen on this planet. You don't have to make it even worse for yourself. 

One basic truth to always remember: If you find yourself making excuses for him, her, or yourself, stop what you doing and regroup because something is most definitely rotten in the state of Denmark. 

Not Enough

It's come to my attention that it is not enough to be truthful. It's not a good thing to be honest. You get no where by being up front. Everyone wants you to lie to them. Everyone would prefer to live in denial. Denial of what, you ask? Pick a topic. It's that one and every other one. It's everything. 

It's best to lie. To succeed you have to "fake it until you make it', this I've always known. What I didn't know is that you have to continue doing so. The charade must go on forever. Never let them in. Never be vulnerable. Never trust. 

To trust is a waste of time. Everyone will let you down. Instead of the friend whose "got your back", they will more likely stab you in the back. There is no one out there who will save anything but their own skin.  So trust your own instincts and no one else's. 

The Why Of Me

Why am I in love with people being in love with me? Why aren't I more concerned about whether or not I am in love with them? I watch with pleasure as they fall for me because I'm such an out of this world character, no one you've ever had the pleasure to converse with before, yet I never stop to contemplate my feelings for them. Why is that?

Do I only love them only if they love me first?  I'm a magical mystery, a puzzle to be solved, aloof yet magnetic and inviting, charming and too good to be true. I'm all those things and less of the "too good to be true". Why can't I believe in myself? And I say that, not in a pleading with myself tone but with an "am I not allowed?" tone. I've sat in the wings far too long. I want my subjects to behold me and put me on a pedestal upon which no one can knock me off. I deserve it after all this time of dark, blank space.

You don't get my meaning. You have no idea what I am talking about. This is all stream of consciousness. It's just flowing from my fingertips. It's what I am wondering about right now. I had to write it down to make it real.

I am worthy of adoration. Aren't we all? Are some of us more than others? If you think you are, then aren't you? I'm going to think I am and hopefully I will be.