Faith

Are you all serious with this? Your unborn child's brain is growing outside of it's skull, as we speak. You want to have the baby even though you know it's going to die within hours or minutes of it's birth? You want us to have a baby shower for you??? All the while your many specialist visits, and the impending c-section are all being paid for by medicaid, meaning paid for by the rest of us????

How is this really justified by your faith? This, I do not understand. This is like a Jehovah's Witness who will not receive a blood transfusion to save their life. God sent the doctors with the ability to save us, to ease suffering, to save you the pain of knowingly carrying a child to full term, only to lose it. I will never understand this. But, I have to keep my mouth shut and feign support for your decisions. I am the bad one if I don't.

As my previous post illustrated, there are differences of perception, and in my perception, you and your family are the bad ones here. You live off the state to pay for a complicated pregnancy that will require a c-section and special care for a child that is going to undoubtedly die. You put your friends and family in an uncomfortable, awkward position of having to give you a baby shower and put on happy faces and become accomplices in your denial of the real situation because if we don't support you, we are evil, intolerant people. All this in the name of your faith?

Not to mention, the longer you carry this child the more attached you will become and once you hold this baby in your arms? This is so much more difficult to get over than if you'd shown the strength enough to terminate this already doomed pregnancy. No, I do not believe this is murder. Not in this circumstance. God knows each life situation is unique unto itself, and I believe this is one of those extreme cases where a fully supervised medical intervention is justified in His eyes.

Listen, I have faith, but obviously my opinions on it are quite a bit different than yours. So, you go on with your farce, just don't include me in it by questioning the "extent" of my faith. Who is judging who now?

H*te

I don't want to say it out loud. I don't even want to think it or feel it, but right now I do feel it. I feel this h*tred toward you. Do you deserve my h*te? And why can't I say it out loud? Is it the fact that I can't say it out loud because if I do it's just as bad as your despicable actions that make me feel this way in the first place? Is this why the nice guy always finishes last? Because they don't speak out on their own behalf? And is the nice guy really not a nice guy deep down inside because of these ugly feelings, and their not speaking out is the reason why "nice guys finish last"? If the bad guy is always the one that takes the credit for things they did not achieve or lays blame elsewhere when they are truly at fault, and the nice guy never speaks up in his own defense, well, who is really the bad one here? Is it worse to be the bad guy or the good guy here, because both seem wrong. The bad guy is bad for stealing credit and the good guy is bad for allowing the bad guy to get away with it!

I know this probably makes no sense to anyone other than me, but I am just writing what first comes to mind. But, then, that's not true, because if I were writing what first comes to mind I'd be cursing up a storm. I don't want to do that here. Not that it matters if I have no readers, but still. You always have to wonder.

I want to say out loud that I h*te you but I was always taught that statement is one of the most horrible things you could ever say to another person. It was just as bad as all the bad curse words you could ever utter. Probably worse. But, that is how I truly feel about you right now. Then, I start to feel superstitious that something horrible might happen to you or me or someone not even deserving of a horrible fate, if I say it out loud. Which then leads me to wonder why do we get those feelings if they are only superstition?

Oh, let's not go down that rabbit hole.

Let's get back to the reason we are here. I dislike you very much. Maybe more than anyone I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. And we have the same blood running through our veins. How is this possible that I could feel this way toward a blood relation? How? How can two people be so different? So very different?

She says she had a wonderful childhood thanks to you and I say I had a horrible childhood thanks to you. It's like that famous old woman/young woman optical illusion:

I obviously see one thing, which I will say is the ugly old woman, and she sees something completely different, the pretty young woman. It's all in our perception then? More like our reality, I'd say. My reality was completely different than hers. Which one is correct? I guess both, but with more illusion on her side than mine. Mine was all real. Real crappy.